3 Date Night Questions to Ask Your Husband/Wife

Mr. Lemmony and I are fast approaching a twenty-year anniversary. I know, I know. You're thinking "But how is that possible, Jessica? You only look twenty-five!" ;) Lately we've been prioritizing "date night" which I've come to realize isn't the same as "I'm too tired to cook, let's just go out" night. The difference is in the mindset you take to the date more than the place you go. For example, last week we went to a sports bar that serves meals in red plastic baskets. It wasn't fancy and yet the hubs and I truly connected over rich conversation about writing, life in general, and our week. It was about intent. It was me telling him before I climbed in the shower that morning that I had a hot date that night. It was about him wearing his good jeans. There's something romantic about effort, you know?

With Valentine's Day coming up, this is a perfect opportunity to share a little something special together with your spouse. Wink, nudge...you know what I'm talking about.


(Not what you were thinking?)

Also, that word sounds as dull as the back of the butter knife, right? But it's not. What it's also not is formal. Or it doesn't have to be. Years (and years) ago, I read a book called The Five Love Languages... er... well, I skimmed it. In that gem of a book I read about the love languages and how we all exhibit each of the five:

  1. Physical Touch
  2. Words of Affirmation
  3. Acts of Service
  4. Gifts
  5. Quality Time

BUT, we have a top one or two that fill up our "love tank" and make us feel loved by our partners. Mr. Lemmony and I were so fascinated by this, probably because we are exact opposites. :P We each have a top two from that list and zero in common. Go figure. More on The Five in a later post, but feel free to Google it and take the quiz sometime. You might surprise yourself!

Anyway. Marriage. Dude. It's hard. And if that's not the right word at least we can agree that it's work. While romance is important and expensive nights out should absolutely not be skipped over, living with another person (forEVER) goes beyond chocolates and hearts and two-hundred dollar dinners complete with champagne in an ice bucket.

Date Night is an important priority even if you stay home in your jammies with a pizza box on the floor and candles on the mantel. It's what you make it. This morning I woke up thinking about the conversation I would have with John when we go out on Valentine's Day, and then I thought, "Wouldn't it be great if we asked these questions on every date night?"

Relationships often include each party airing grievances (also known as "venting") or asking the other person to change, but how often do we discuss what's working? What's not working is important, but what is working reminds you not to throw the baby out with the kitchen sink. Mixed metaphors aside, here they are:

  1. What did I do that made you smile this week?
  2. How did I make you feel wanted this week?
  3. When did I make you feel truly loved this week?

Here's how it works. Go out on your date night. Ask each other these three questions. That's it! Let the conversation thrive from there. Plan your answers ahead if you want. Make up words for the naughty innuendos if the answers veer out of safe-for-discussing-in-public territory. You are on a date, you know. It's okay to have some fun. We've all seen the couple at the restaurant eating in stone silence as they chew their food like bored cows. Don't be them.

To aid you on your journey to date night bliss, I've created a printable form for your fridge, and a background for your cellphone, and a pin for Pinterest if you want to add it to one of your boards. These three questions go beyond "How's work?" and "How are the kids?" which are conversations that happen without your trying. The point of these three questions are to help you focus on each other. And knowing how to turn the other person on--take that however you like--is a valuable weapon to have in your marriage arsenal. 

Happy dating!



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