Why Writing Fiction Can Be More Honest Than Writing Your Memoir
I recently learned an interesting truth about writing a memoir that most people don’t talk about: many writers wait until family members have passed away before finally telling their story.
Why?
Because when we tell the truth publicly—about relationships, resentment, grief, or our own identity—we risk being judged by the people who read it.
In my recent YouTube video, I explored this idea through the lens of fiction—specifically romantic fiction. And what emerged was this golden nugget: writing fiction can be a more honest medium than nonfiction.
I said what I said! If you’d like to watch the video, I’ll embed it below. Otherwise, keep reading the accompanying blog post.
xo,
Jessica Lemmon
Should You Write Your Memoir?
I’ve talked to a lot of people who wanted to write a book, and whenever I asked them what kind of book they wanted to write, most of them inevitably answered, “A memoir!”
“I believe that we want to understand ourselves, and we do that by telling stories.”
This makes so much sense, given that the “material” is all around us. If you think you’re the only person with a “crazy” family and “stories you wouldn’t believe” I could round up at least a few dozen people who can relate. So, what’s going on? Do we all have a shared burning desire to air our dirty laundry?
I don't believe that.
I believe that we want to understand ourselves, and we do that by telling stories.
Let me offer you an alternative to writing a memoir (without waiting for certain family members to finish shuffling the mortal coil).
Have you ever considered writing fiction?
Fiction writing offers something memoirs don’t: a buffer.
When you write fiction, you don’t have to transcribe events exactly as they happened. Nor are you obligated to explain your perspective through the lens of what you, personally, experience. In fiction writing, you can distill the emotional essence of your life’s experiences and then hand them over to characters.
Let it be their problem, instead. 😅
A few examples:
An unresolved argument could be the inspiration for your heroine’s bold speech to the hero
A complicated season for your marriage or with your aging parent can be explored through your hero—this could be the real reason behind his fear of commitment…
Any feelings (even in passing) of grief, jealousy, ambition, regret can be exaggerated and shaped into a bigger, broader theme for your novel.
In real life, we filter ourselves constantly. In fiction, we don’t have to. Having that emotional bubble wrap makes being honest so much easier.
Processing Emotions Through Fiction Writing
I’ve said it for years: writing is a form of therapy. I’m not saying it replaces it, but I am saying it’s a good way to push those tumultuous thoughts to the surface.
When your fictional couple is navigating conflict, we, as writers, can draw on our own experiences and understanding. Same goes for writing about longing—present or past. (I’m sure many of us can relate to the feeling of not being asked to dance at our junior high school dance.) You already know what it’s like to feel disappointment, anger, betrayal, sadness, understanding, joy, happiness, and hope.
Now mold characters out of those emotions.
Writing fiction also allows you to process your feelings without sharing that they are autobiographical. Which means that thorny, private topics can be explored through your characters while you protect your tender underbelly. After the book is written, you can then decide whether or not to share the truth about what inspired a scene in your book.
“The sky’s the limit, and we hold the pen.”
In fiction, it’s also less likely that family members will accuse you of giving one of their personality traits to a character. Building a character from scratch is never a one-for-one version of someone we know. We craft them out of who we need them to be—which can show up in a romance hero’s perfect 6-pack abs or a mother-in-law’s cringe-worthy snobbery.
The sky’s the limit, and we hold the pen.
How Writing Fiction Changes You
Something else I’ve noticed after writing 48+ books is that I’ve been reshaped by my novels. Each of my books is like a time capsule of a version of who I used to be. Which means that—hold onto your butts for this one—writing fiction doesn’t only produce books. It shifts and changes the person who wrote them.
The first time you put vulnerability on the page, whether it’s writing the first sex scene or giving your heroine space to drop an F-bomb, it’s normal to feel exposed and even like you’ve done something wrong. But once it’s out there, it’s out there. In my case…it’s all over the world and has been translated to several foreign languages! 😅
Judgment might come from people we know, but we aren’t in control of that. What we’re in control of is being the woman still standing after the judgment comes. When my first novel released, did my family members have opinions about what I was writing?
Yes.
Did I grow into a stronger, better version of myself because I wrote it?
“It’s an honor to develop an unflinching, honest, and intimate relationship with yourself.”
Also yes.
When your confidence grows, you begin to trust the still quiet voice inside of you. How beautiful to trust your instincts rather than live the life others want you to live! As you continue to express yourself honestly, you also might find that you are way more comfortable being “controversial” than you ever imagined. You have the right to develop your own voice and express your own opinions. It’s an honor to develop an unflinching, honest, and intimate relationship with yourself.
Imagination and Personal Growth
As kids, we used our imaginations daily. I used to flip my bicycle upside down and pretend I was churning ice cream. I used to sell shingles as hamburgers from an open window of a storage room. I made temporary doll furniture out of two Christopher Pike books and a washcloth.
Then we become adults and we don’t have those same whims. The bicycle becomes a mode of transporation, the downed shingles a signal that we need to call (and pay) a roofer, and the washcloth and books change back to their original forms and can no longer serve as a spot for Barbie and Ken’s butts.
But when you write fiction, your imagination blooms. You’re suddenly allowing yourself to imagine outlandish scenarios. Like falling in love with a billionaire who has a good heart. Or stepping into a dramatic amnesia story. Or even trying your hand at a dark and twisty Stockholms Syndrome novel…
You’re not only free to use your imagination—it’s your secret weapon! And readers will absolutely love you for it. At some point each of us will navigate difficult seasons of grief, divorce, illness, or loneliness… The worlds we create as writers can offer a sweet escape for our friends who are going through it. Not because we are hiding from what’s real, but because we need a reminder that life can still be beautiful and expansive and end happily ever after.
That kind of impact is real, and desperately needed in the world.
If You’ve Been Thinking of Writing a Book…
If you’ve been considering writing your own story, consider this your permission slip to start. It doesn’t have to be perfect and it doesn’t have to be structured. Just let it be honest.
Consider starting a novel. Creating characters. Go to Pinterest and build a world with the perfect house, partner, and pet. Allow your imagination to go wild.
And if you’re scared? That’s okay. We all start out that way when trying something new! But allow yourself the time and space to turn fear into excitement. Write your story. Whether it’s about people or vampires or puppies.
Write the argument you never won.
Write the heroine who says what you were too cautious to say.
Write the version of events that brings clarity and humor to what once felt heavy.
Don’t Go It Alone, Storyteller
If you are writing a book (or about to start), I created a space for you.
The Lemmon Society is a membership for women who want to feel:
supported
encouraged
confident
brave
joyful
Harness your own inner voice through writing fiction, and see what a difference it makes in your life. Learn more.
You don’t have to write 48 books to have an impact on the world or on yourself. You simply need to begin.
Writing fiction is one of the best ways to get to know yourself, inspire others, and live vicariously through characters who share your values.
And if you haven’t written a book before, I’ll leave you with this: it’s not that you can’t write a novel, it’s just that you’ve never tried.
You have a story inside of you. Let’s set her free. 💛